Hush Money Fall Fuckaround

Boy howdy, it's Fall Fuckaround time again! Once again we're riding to benefit The Lancaster Conservancy and The Marietta Woods Project. We spend a lot of time enjoying these lands and we wanna chip in. 

Morning of:

We'll be starting at the shop, 414 N. Mary Street, Lancaster. There is plenty of free street parking in every direction around the shop. If it's raining and you need a dry staging area, there is a reasonably priced parking garage just a few blocks away at 220 N. Water Street, Lancaster. Our friends at Endo Cafe will have the coffee trailer there to keep you warm and caffeinated before we shove off.  West Art will be open at 7am with coffee and pastries just a few blocks up Lemon Street.  If you're looking for a full breakfast, Prince Street Cafe will be open at 7am and Lancaster's Central Market will be open at 6am. If you've never been, Central Market is the social hub of Lancaster and is worth getting up a little early to see. Whatever you do, be at the shop by 9:30 and be ready to roll at 10:00. 

The ride:

There are two courses, however both courses also have an alternate route for folks with road bikes (and road bike shoes.) All courses are linked below. There are no course markings, please download the course to a computer or use Ride With GPS. You will have phone reception the entire day, so if things get fucky, just find your way home using your phone. 

The long course has a substantial (3/4 mile?) hike-a-bike section, non-road shoes are highly recommended. Both courses follow the length of Suzy's Hole, which is light singletrack with a couple very easy creek crossings. The only aid station on the day is immediately after the Suzy's/Trolley Road trail section. Mom and Dad von Fancypants will be serving up the treats. 

After the aid station there's a short section of chunky railroad ballast, then a bunch of miles of some of the most beautiful rail trail anywhere. While on the rail trail, riders will cross the Safe Harbor bridge, which provides expansive views of the Susquehanna River. After leaving the rail trail, you'll wind through Millersville and back to the  shop. 

Long Course: https://ridewithgps.com/routes/38049384

Long Course (Road): https://ridewithgps.com/routes/41451896

Short Course: https://ridewithgps.com/routes/41098048

Short Course (Road): https://ridewithgps.com/routes/41451829

The Dirtbag After-Party:

We'll have fire pits to stand around. Cabalar will be open with the meats and the non-meats (OMG SRSLY the falafel burger is a revelation). Lancaster celebrity Drew Bell will be there to regale us with stories over the fire pits and serve us Endo Tunies (sorry hornballs, he's married). Lancaster's vegan comfort food spot, Bad Garden Kitchen, will be open just a few blocks away. The Pennsylvania Dirtbags will be there too- we have no idea what they have planned, and for liability's sake, we don't want to know. 

The Big Dumb Awards Show and Raffle:

Back for 2025: The Bill & Ted Awards for Excellence in the field of Being Excellent. The trophies are recycled. The awards have no value. But GOSH DARNIT the sentiment is real. Last year, for the third consecutive year, the Yinzer contingent went home with the most hardware (but no police citation). Past awards have included: The Sarah Woshe Award for General Gangstery, The Leo Quisimbing Spirit of Gravel Award, The Scotty Clark “Clean Drawers” Award, Least Improved, Best Dressed, Worst Bike, Worst Dressed, Best Bike, The Linette Award for Best Colors, and Least Offensive Odor. Also back for 2026 is the Highest Finisher award, although the homies from Action Wheels are always hard to beat here. (One year they finished so high that they left the trophy on the roof of their team car and drove off with it up there, never to be seen again.) Other awards categories will be decided on the fly. All of them will be stupid.  

This year's raffle will be bigger and a little less of a clusterfuck. Raffles will be announced every half hour starting at 3:00. Winners must be present, but raffles will be going off every 30 minutes for the duration of the evening. The big stuff will be raffled after the awards ceremony.

Please don't take any of it too seriously.